More on (moron?) Playwriting

After slogging through several more scripts this week, ranging from "Jesus Christ" to "...really?", I have some more advice for you playwrights out there.

1. It doesn't matter if you got an amazing review from The Bumblefuck Times. I don't want to read it, so don't attach it unless it includes something absolutely revelatory, like the exact date the entire human race will succumb to the flesh-eating virus. If you have a notable review from a credible source, then sure- include it. But don't expect me to have the same opinions. Your show could be terrible and someone out there will love it. Just look at the "Scary Movie" series, or any film from the Sarah Jessica Parker canon.

2. This seems really, really basic, so I left it out of my first advice blog. But I guess it does need to be said. In your script, something needs to happen. It can't just be a set of talking heads for 90 minutes. Plays are about people doing things!

3. Quit it with the cute and/or bizarre character names. It doesn't make your script quirky or distinct. Names like "LaLa" and "Gizzy" are for pets! So please stop. It makes me feel like there's babytalk going on inside my head.

4. I said it already, but I'll say it again: DO NOT SET YOUR PLAY IN AN APARTMENT IN NYC!!! Enough said. I hope.

5. Don't act as your own agent. It makes us think you couldn't find a real one.