For those who would like more energy while continuing to feel gross

Drunk guy at bar (to self): 3 a.m. already? Gosh, I'm getting sleepy. Maybe I should order a Red Bull 'n vodka. Oh, but then I look like a pansy- all the other guys are drinking Jameson. Huh. What to do. Mmmm, those chicken fingers smell delish! If only there was a way I could get an energy boost while eating shitty food, thus preserving my masculinity!