Travels and Travails

It was with a pained stomach and no small amount of sadness that I returned to NYC last night via Delta Stupid Airlines. For the past 7 or so days, I had been living the bohemian lifestyle of a Seattle native- paying only $3.oo per pint of imported beer, walking empty streets without apprehension, and navigating an inscrutable public transportation system. I'm almost certain that Seattle has a higher per-capita homeless ratio than New York, having been asked for money, cigarettes or both in excess of ten times a day there. Either there are more of them, or they are more vocal about the whole thing.

Now, the bus system: I'm sure that if you've lived in the city for a decent amount of time, it might make sense (perhaps a little more than Obama choosing Trent Lott as his running mate), however, to the uninitiated and tired, it proves to be quite frustrating. Here's why it sucks:

1. Fares are different throughout the day.
In the morning, one could pay $2.25 for a ride. In the afternoon, $1.75 or $1.50. Sometimes, just to make things extra fun, the fare is free. One generally discovers this after dropping all of one's change into the fare box.

2. Sometimes you pay as you enter, sometimes you pay as you leave. You generally, once again, discover this after paying, upon which the bus driver will growl at you for being a dumb tourist- didn't you know that on every other Tuesday with a full moon it's "pay as you leave"?.

3. The stops are rarely announced, at least not at a volume that allows you to hear them. Which is good, because I really was just taking the bus for a scenic fucking tour.

4. The maps and schedules. Oh, the maps. They have so many numbers and colors on them, but never the numbers you're looking for. The last stop listed on the schedule for the #72 bus is 3rd Ave-Pike Street. Is that the last stop? Of course not, you fool! You just missed your stop.

5. There is no "uptown". I discovered this after missing my stop (see above), and was stuck at a station where all of the entryways were labeled "downtown". After searching in vain for an uptown bus to get back to where I was supposed to be, I called my friend, who informed me, incredulously, that there was no such thing as "uptown" in Seattle. "Downtown" refers to a district, not a direction. I was supposed to know this...how?

As to the homelessness, I found this: "Yet, among the four metropolitan areas identified as having a high rate of homeownership and a low percentage of minorities, Seattle was estimated to have by far the highest per capita rate of homelessness." Another website tells me that Seattle is just slightly above New York in its homelessness rate. And Seattle is a highly educated city. Weirdness.

Now, let's talk about airplanes. Specifically, the processes of boarding and disembarking. There is an overhead storage space above your seat. It has ample room for your asininely large luggage. Lift your rolly monstrosity to the cabinet, and slide it in. Repeat this action with the luggage of your thirty idiot children and lazy spouse. Be seated. Simple enough, no? Apparently not, because it took me half an hour to get off of the plane at JFK.